Midlife Crisis and How to Deal with Mental Health for Women Ages-40

Posted by Jared delbo on

Midlife crisis is a phenomenon which has no particular to gender nor to age. It is called midlife crisis because it usually occurs in the age between 40 and 50, but actually, a midlife crisis is a complex psychological problem that occurs in the early stages of childhood.

Based on today's psychology, they called it ‘chaos kid’. This means a person who never dealt with his or her own childhood problems. The problems of abandonment, abuse, neglect, insecurity, and any other traumatic or bad memory they have from their childhood, connected with their parents or their environment.

When these ‘chaos kids grow up and have kids of their own, they transfer all their negative emotions, impressions, and childhood traumas to them. So, these now new ‘chaos kids’ are infused with not just the negative emotions and behavior, but with the representation of everything negative their parents lived through in their own childhood.


This proves to be too much for a young mind and creates an even more severe traumatic effect than in the previous generation. These traumas affect certain parts of the brain, like the amygdala. This part of the brain plays multiple important roles in our thinking, emotion, and reasoning, as we will explore ahead.

Lets us look at an example of a second generation ‘chaos kid’, like the one described previously. Imagine everyday events that come into his life. Now, events that happen to us do not have any meaning for us, until they are registered by the amygdala because this part of the brain is the one that attaches meaning to everything we experience, every event. It is also responsible for memory, decision-making, and emotional reactions.

This is normal and nothing out of the ordinary, but since the amygdala has been traumatized in this person’s childhood by events and problems that have not been dealt with, it contains painful memories of negative emotions and events.

That traumatic sense of negativity inside this person’s head attaches those memories and negative feelings from his past with current events. And, since the memory and emotion are negative, the amygdala sends out negative signals to that person, telling him or her that current event is something bad. During this process, the brain is shut down and unaware of what is actually happening, due to the imminent danger of something negative, and defense mechanisms are coming in to play.

Now, instead of rationalizing and examining the reality of the situation, the brain of this ‘chaos kid’ imagines a scenario where current events will lead to the old negative outcomes, he knows all too well from childhood. HE plays this ‘movie’ in his or her head all the time and affects this kid’s nervous system.

Now, the nervous system only recognizes the signals the brain sends it, it cannot differentiate if they are justified or not, and so it reacts as it should when confronted with negativity or an eminent negative event.

That kid’s nervous system then produces a series of bad feelings, such as fear, physical pain, anxiety, and similar stressful emotions. And, those emotions are fed back to the brain.

Upon receiving those negative emotions, the brain gains a negative belief. It has a negative expectation of the outcome of the current situation and causes that ‘chaos kid’ to have a bad attitude towards it, such as to be rude, defensive, and even aggressive.

It is then when that ‘chaos kid’ will be aggressive towards his environment, towards his friends, family members, spouse, and even his kids, repeating the same mistake his or her parents made.


So, from all this we can tell that if you do not feel comfortable in your life, feel irrational fear or doubt in everything that is happening to you, and always expect the worst out of every situation, these all might be signs of midlife crisis, i.e. problems and traumas from your childhood.

If you then try to rationalize your thoughts and feelings, and you still feel the same way, you should try and learn more about your problem by perhaps consulting a professional or educating yourself.

Women Over 40: Taking Care of Your Mental Health

Even at the age of 40, taking care of one’s mental health is a priority. We should always put in an effort to learn new things, thus we have a better understanding of the environment and in turn better understanding of our own self.

However, people are prone to not care of their own mental health when they are young, even worse some people even neglect it on their entire lives. It is in this fact that you should realize that there are certain benefits gained with age.

Majority of us doesn’t like getting older. Especially in women since they show signs of disliking to get older than men. This is natural since women are prone to taking care of how they look, in developing their own bodies and good looks, which normally diminishes with age.

But, why do women have the need to have good looks, develop their own bodies, and to attract attention to both males and females?

A study in psychology, calls it a human condition, presents certain questions to us, and comes with certain unanswered existential dilemmas. Like for instance the meaning of life, or our own purpose in this world.

Psychology has recognized that the phenomena of fusing with the society and finding people with whom one shares deep emotions, such as love, provide the answer to these existential questions. People escape their own loneliness and overcome it with love and fusion with another human being, or beings.

But people are prone to choose wrong path and methods. An example of such method is precisely attracting people with your own good looks. If you would even briefly think about the questions in stake and the purpose of wanting to fuse with other people, one could easily conclude that good looks is simply trivial compared to much larger questions we must answer in order to achieve love or connection.

Opposed to this belief of being obsessed with their looks, women over 40 are much more worried about their regrets in their past life. But in this article we are not addressing the problems of women over 40, but to answer how women can take care of their mental health during that period of life.

Negative emotions and thoughts of women over 40 comes out of some problem. But, women over 40 should remember to focus on things that truly matter and those are:

  •    Being aware of oneself
  •    Acting and thinking out of your own center
  •    Fusing your knowledge and experience into your intuition
  •    Discipline and patience
  •    Concentration

As I mentioned earlier, people are prone to not care of their own mental health when they are young and as a result, many mental problems occur. These were developing during youth or adolescence because that is the period in which the person is still developing.

After 40, you should try and feel your own awareness of oneself, practice concentration and listen to your own self, i.e. act from your own center.

Age brings with it knowledge and experience, and women should focus on fusing them into their own intuition, and this is done with discipline and patience.

It is only when you are acting out of your own center that you will surpass shallow notions of good looks and understand that although cultivating one’s own body is not a bad thing by itself, cultivating one’s mind is a far more important thing. After all, a beautiful mind can make anybody look beautiful, but beautiful looks cannot cover up an ugly mind, maybe at first but not forever.

Tips for Emotional Health for Women in Their 40s    

Emotional health is vital for wellbeing, and ultimately the quality of the life we lead. Various people have various issues at the different time of their lives. Just like most people we felt joy and happiness at different reasons, at different times.

Males are prone to misread women, they think of their happiness revolves around them being attractive, secure, and well cared. Well, these things can bring happiness to some women, there is a more important idea for every man and woman must consider and realize if they are to better understand women, and that is - being a person.

I say, men and women because there are even women who do not understand this basic drive that exists in everyone. But, why is it that the lack of independence and personal experience has such an exaggerated effect on women today?

Based on the study the biggest problem woman prone to have when they reach there 40’s is regret. The regret for things they wanted to do, things they actually did, or some decisions they made that they felt that it’s too late.

Women are prone to have this constant relationship with the past, sometimes so insane that it can turn into serious issues, such as poor self-esteem, obsession, and even depression.

What people think this way about their previous failure is to realize that their choices of life, their past mistakes, or missed opportunities were not their own.

What women and men who think this way about their past failures to realize are that their life’s choices, their past mistakes, or missed out opportunities were not their own. The opportunities, choices, and mistakes were all a combination of chance, circumstances, their own upbringing, education, emotional and mental state, and influences from the environment.

With this, we can draw out that every choice we make, either to act or not to act, is as much a product of our environment as it is of ourselves. People even realize the effect their environment had on their decision-making process and as a result feel anger when they make a choice they regret later on.

While it is a nice thing to be mindful of the effect our environment on us, it is not nice to be angry or to blame on neither once environment nor ourselves.

When we’re young, we are more vibrant, more willing to act, to spring into action, but we are also less aware of ourselves and the effect our environment has on us, and subsequently more vulnerable to it.

The list is the key advice for emotional health:

  •    Enjoy your increased awareness
  •    Better understand yourself
  •    Enjoy your own company
  •    Seek relationships that fulfill you and bring you joy
  •    Love yourself and appreciate all your gifts

When we are young, we are estranged from ourselves. We mostly understand our own senses and our own basic needs, like hunger, or the desire to have fun. But, as we grow older, we get to know our true nature and even make it as we meet it.

Without truly delving into who you are, and understanding what makes you tick, so to speak, you will not truly find emotional harmony, as you will miss opportunities to make necessary changes that improve your life, and emotional wellbeing.

Therefore, by the time we reach the 40s, we should have a thorough communication and a well-established relationship with our own center, the center of our being. This is the main and only condition to really learn how to love, how to be happy, and subsequently – be emotionally healthy.

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